Be Alex Again
by urdhild09
Summary: Now out of WPP she should of gone back to the love of her life but she turned her back. Can she be Alex again or forever be Alexandra.


Alex let out another deep sigh. Another one of her fiancés' wall street friend's came over to them and gave them the fastening annoying 'congratulations' and 'where so happy for you' before he and Robert started discussing about the current market or something. To be honest Alex lost track of the conversation a long time ago. She was bored out of her mind and the only person she had to blame for her murderous boredom was herself.

Coming out of the witness protection program she was finally able to _be _Alexandra Cabot again. Not Emily or Samantha or her most hated Brittany. She had the name that she was born with and would do what it took to keep it. She also had the job she wanted. She was now Bureau Chief Alexandra Cabot and with her new start she could focus on not only her political career but her love life as well.

She met Robert a few months after getting settle in, at a bar near the DA's office. He was nice, good looking, had a good job. He was what every girl wanted. So she should be happy that she had everything she wanted, a good step in the political direction, a great guy that loved her, yet she felt so lousy.

Why?

The answer surrounded her. She was in a room with people she barely knew, or cared about her. They were blue blood snobs, most friends of her parents or Robert. Yes, her ADA's where their but they weren't close like she was with her old friends from the 1-6.

The detectives at the 1-6 were her first _real _friends she ever had. They weren't like the girls she was friends with in school where every other word out their mouths was a lie. They could be real with each other, be goofy or crazy and not care if they were being stared or laughed at. Alex missed that, the true genuine playful banter that just made her day.

But what she really missed was Olivia Benson. Olivia was the first person that loved Alex for her, not for her money or family name. Olivia was the first person that made Alex feel comfortable in another's presence, that she could just cuddle up on the couch with and feel safe. Olivia was caring, gentile, protective, yes stubborn, but passionate and genuine about everything she did and thats why Alex loves her. So why didn't she return to the love of her life?

It was because she was a coward. She couldn't face Olivia after what she put her through with getting shot and painting those lovely olive tone hands red with her blood. She saw the unshed tears in Olivia's big brown eyes when she said goodbye. Olivia must have cried herself to sleep because she did herself, for a whole week.

A gentile tap from one of the waiters brought Alex's attention back to the party. The party to celebrate her engagement. The waiter handed her a small slip of paper before quickly turning on his heels before she could thank him. Unfolding the paper her heart stopped.

_Alex,_

_I want to see you. Please. I'm outside right now. _

_Olivia._

Without thinking twiceAlex rushed out of the building not even bothering to takeher jacket. It was cold, that's what Alex met when she first stepped outside. The second was the brunet casually leaning against a parked white chevy. The burnet looked up at her and smiled.

"Alex," Alex ran to her and she was engulfed in soft leather clade arms. The sent of stale coffee invaded Alex, which she welcomed. Olivia pulled Alex away so they were at arms length of each other. "I missed you so much," Olivia cupped Alex's cheeks in her hands loving how the warm white skin felt like silk underneath her fingertips. Alex leaned in to the touch her eyes closing slightly.

"I missed you too Liv."

"Then why Alex? Why didn't you come back?" Alex's eyes snapped opened and her blue ones met cold brown ones. Alex's heart fell to her stomach in a bad way. She knew that not coming back to Olivia meant loosing her for good, but she wanted Olivia to be happy and forget about her which was why she made up the phony story about the insurance claims adjuster.

"Because I wanted you to be happy and I didn't want you to wait for someone you may never see again. You deserve to be happy Olivia, and if I couldn't make you happy then I wanted you to find someone that could do that," Olivia blinked a few before letting out a few dry humorous chuckles.

"God Alex, you should know that no one makes me as happy as you do. I never loved someone as much as I love you Alex. Around you I don't have to fear that I might hurt you. I felt confident about myself for a change. I kept telling myself that you would come back, that you loved me as much as I do you, but this," Olivia indicated the building behind Alex. "Proves how wrong I was."

Olivia's words hit Alex right in the heart. She was selfish for making such a huge decision, that excluded the woman, who loved her with ever fiber of her being, out of her life, without consulting her. It was the worst thing that Alex could do to Olivia. Alex pushed back tears that threatened to spill over but the pain was to much and despite her best efforts, they slid down her checks.

"Olivia I'm so sorry. I...I just couldn't go back because I couldn't get your sad pained look out of my mind," Alex wiped a few of the tears from her cheeks, to only they be replaced by new ones. "I should go," Alex turned to leave.

"Alex, wait," Olivia took one of Alex's slim wrist into her hand. Electric currents ran through both women at the first skin on skin contact in years. "Don't leave," Alex slowly turned back to Olivia. Those big brown eyes had softened back to warm chocolate brown that Alex loved.

"I won't go anywhere you don't want to Liv." Olivia pulled Alex closer, her right arm wrapping around Alex's waist. The hand that had Alex's wrist slowly trailed up Alex's arm.

Alex's heart rate increased and her breathing became more shallower. It's been years since someone has touched her like Olivia was touching her. Slowly, tenderly, almost feather like. Olivia started to trace her jaw line, starting with her chin and working her way up, stopping just below her ear.

Olivia leaned in closer, her breath warming Alex's cheek. Ever so slightly Olivia's lips lightly brushed Alex's cheek, the skin feeling like soft velvet. Alex inhaled sharply, just a simple kiss made her whole body come to life.

"Olivia..." Alex whispered so softly that Olivia almost didn't hear it. Looking up she noticed that Alex's blue eyes had darken several shades and her milky white skin flushed a light rose color. "Take me home. Now," Robert be damned, she wanted Olivia and nothing was going to stop her. Taking Alex by the hand she waved down a passing cab, gave the cabbie her address, and left the rapidly fading building behind them.

Entering the private domain of Olivia's apartment, the two lovers didn't waist any time with small talk, or a glass of wine, or a heated make out session on the couch. They headed strait to the bedroom, Olivia closing and locking the doors behind her.

Inside the brunets bedroom, Olivia gently shoved Alex onto the bed, the blond releasing a small giggle. Using her elbows, Alex pushed herself farther up the bed while Olivia removed her leather jacket, which was the first article of clothing to meet the floor, and belt which had her service revolver and badge and kicked out of her shoes. Olivia got on top of Alex, her hands meeting Alex's elbows, right knee between Alex's legs.

Their lips collided in a passionate kiss sending electric currents right to their most intimate places. Olivia nipped at Alex's bottom lip asking for entrance which she was granted. Their tongues intertwined, re exploring each others mouths. Olivia broke the kiss when the need for oxygen become to great, trailing her lips down Alex's body while her hands slowly moved the spaghetti straps of the peach color cocktail dress down long slender arms.

Alex threw her head back in pleasure and closed her eyes so she could just feel Olivia's soft warm mouth trail down her overly sensitive body. Alex gasped when Olivia's mouth found one of her nipples. Olivia swirled her tongue around Alex's nipple, feeling the flesh harden against her tongue. She closed her lips around the bud and started to suck for a while. Releasing the wet nub Olivia blew cold air onto the nub making it wrinkle and stiffen more. Olivia moved to Alex's other nipple giving it the same treatment. Olivia felt a slight tug to the back of her head. That was her signal to move on.

Trailing the dress down her lovers body, it left Alex in only her small peach colored thong. Olivia gulped, she forgot how gorgeous the blond was. Blond hair slightly disheveled feathered lightly over her breast, milky white skin taking a slightly rose pink color, and eyes once sky blue darken to a dark blue.

"Beautiful," Olivia breathed against Alex's cheek before she kissed it tenderly. Alex untwined her fingers from her brunet lovers hair.

"You're wearing too many clothes," Alex untucked the blue sweater from Olivia's jeans and over her head joining the other articles of clothing on the floor.

A new wave of arousal went threw Alex at the sight of her lovers bare skin. Though not flawless, Alex forgot the exquisite unique beauty that was Olivia Benson. Olivia's whole body was covered in scars, some from the job others from the abuse she endured from her mother, leaving very few areas of perfect carmel skin. Alex fell in love with every single scar that covered her lovers skin for not because it make her look bad ass, which it kind of did, but showed all of the trials that have been thrown at Olivia and how she survived them rather it was hers or someone else's life at stake.

And Alex showed her love for those scars by giving each and every single one of them a gentile kiss, for they were a part of Olivia and Alex loved every single part of her. She started with the one half way down Olivia's shoulder and trailed down, ending with the small V shaped one next to the pelvic bone.

Olivia never told anyone, not even Alex, but she loved the attention that the blond gave to one of her most undesirable and shameful parts of her body. Alex was deferent then any of her previous lovers she, unlike the others, saw the under lining beauty that she had. Alex didn't call her ugly or ask her to change the parts that she hated. Alex made her face the parts that she had locked up and see that those parts helped shape Olivia into the person that she was.

Alex wrapped her arms around her lover and slowly removed the brunets bra, wanting to savor every centimeter of exposed tan skin. There was only one scar on Olivia's chest. On the base of the left breast was a small jagged scar, that in Alex's opinion, looked like a heart. It was Alex's favorite for the scar was like the same one that was inside Olivia.

That was the first bit of flesh that Alex's lips came into contact with and it made both women moan deeply. For Olivia, it reminded her how soft Alex's lips were and how they would just ever so lightly graze the skin and how Alex's hot breath would make her skin flush even more.

For Alex it reminded her everything about Olivia. The way the brunet felt, smelled, even tasted. It made her remember what she left behind and never look back, never thinking about hers or Olivia's happiness. She had forgotten about the women who could make her smile with little effort, the women who would quiver under her touch as she would do the same, but most of all she had forgotten about the women who would die for her without a second thought.

The sudden rush of emotions were to much for her. Alex collapsed onto the pillows, sobbing.

Olivia snapped out of her ecstasy induce haze at the sound of sobbing coming from the women beneath her. Olivia looked down and her heart shattered at the sight of her blond lover tears poring down rose cheeks body shaking violently.

"Alex," Olivia touched the blond's cheek and Alex shrank away from her touch. Olivia withdrew her hand, giving Alex a minute or two to calm down. Undoing the button and fly, Olivia wiggled out of her work slacks that have become increasingly uncomfortable due to her over heated skin and the growing pool of wetness between her legs. She discarded the clothing, placing herself in the same state of undress as the quivering blond in her bed.

Olivia slowly lowered herself onto the empty bed space next to the blond. Resting her head on the pillow she was face to face with the women that claimed her heat with a single look. Olivia touched Alex's cheek once again and this time the blond did not flinch or turn away from her.

They just looked at each other, like they use to do after a hard case or just after making love and still recovering from their extreme highs. Olivia caressed her lovers tear stained cheek, ridding the soft surface of its pain. Alex moved closer to her own accord, wanting to be as close the lover that she had lost for over three years.

And she would be a fool if she let the love of her life slip threw her fingers yet again.

**Being the huge AO fan that I am I was shocked seeing Alex in love triangle with two men. So I'm fixing it**


End file.
